Dave’s Ramblings

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
her someplace expensive…..so, I took her to a gas station…..
And that’s how the fight started….

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light
for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told
her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that’s how the fight started.

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later. The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver
hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social
Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at
the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants.
You might have gotten disability, too’.
And that’s how the fight started…..

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat
alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after
we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober
since.’ ‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?’
And that’s how the fight started…..

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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were
alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know
how
sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah,
well I couldn’t believe it…. he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car,
looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!!!’ So, I looked down
at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’
And that’s how the fight started…..

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
reason, took my order first. ‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare,
please.’ He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’
‘Nah, she can order for herself.’
And that’s how the fight started…..